I just finished a post on our other daily site, www.multiplemyelomablog.com, about the stress many cancer patients face “Watching, waiting, and hoping—and praying—for just a bit more time. A few more months or years.” If you are feeling reflective—and don’t mind reading a bit of a downer—you may want to check it out.
But this brief post isn’t about that—not really. I wanted to share something my wife said to me on the ride. As you know, Pattie is also a cancer survivor. As the miles slid by, I shared with her some of the e-mail topics I had been reading from other myeloma patients recently. One in particular intrigued me. This patient wrote about how she didn’t feel it was fair for multiple myeloma be referred to as a “beast.” This patient had come to terms with her cancer—and felt it had opened her eyes to the blessings she experienced around her. My usually quiet, non-opinionated wife stopped me right there! “I hate that!” she vehemently exclaimed. Cancer has no redeeming character. Cancer sucks! Being a cancer patient sucks—and it makes cancer patients who are having a hard time or aren’t doing well feel bad about themselves for feeling that way.”
Setting aside the fact that I am one of those positive—make the best of your situation and stay positive—cancer patient types she was referencing, I do understand how she feels. It’s OK for me to feel that way—it’s my cancer. But it is also an incurable cancer which may inevitably take me away from her someday. And she’s right! Cancer does suck! We may come to accept it. It may help make us stronger—or grow closer to friends or the ones we love—but it still sucks! For us and those closest to us—and it’s alright to feel that way!
Feel good (or not—that’s OK!) and keep smiling! Pat